Work destroyed me today. Yet, I couldn't quite show it because I was at "Service", where you have to appear calm and under control and always smiling. Ugh. But then again, I guess it sortof needed to happen to balance out "The Best Shift Ever". That was yesterday, where I was once again stuck in service. Lovely. The past few days have been strange. Strange and frustrating.
1. We lost power. Mid-transaction. Just when I was starting to get bored too. So of course the customers insist on staying in the store. And when I told them to leave (multiple times..) they simply asked "why?". I guess the fact that the cashes didn't work and the lights were off meant nothing to them.
2. We were able to scare everyone that came in for their one oclock shift. Wasting time is the best passtime. We were the only ones with a flashlight, so it was quite amusing.... scaring bosses : ).
3. Day 2. CCM doesn't work. Debit doesn't work. UGHH! I adore calling for confirmation numbers. So fun. I especially love it when the lady recognizes me and refuses to stay on the line. I hate her too.
4. I will never have to deal with nc again. Ever.
The Great Disa Camping Trip was a great success. Despite the children. But I'll leave it at that.
It didn't take that long for everything to fall together. Well. At least in my mind. It all sort of pieced itself together into a jumbled mess of questions without answers. But at least there were some answers involved. Actually, the more I think of it, the more I realize that it hasn't really fallen together. But does it need to? Maybe temporary will work for now. Probably not the best idea as I don't deal well with uncertainty. I seem to always like to know what's going on. That's probably why I ask so many questions. I think I ask too many. But I'm curious. If only you knew how many questions go through my head. How many unanswered ones. That's where the shyness kicks in. Can't help it. I'm not sure if it's a miss or a regret. For both cases. It would be good timing for a "Plan C" to present itself. It won't save me now, mostly because I don't really need the perfect plan. Or any at all. It just would be nice. Now I just have to convince myself that that's true. Life was so much simpler when I was a dinosaur.
until later.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Rewind
I'm not quite sure who I think I am at the moment. I was. But now comes uncertainty. Why? Well, that's not really important. But figuring out what's changed is. I'll do that eventually. Ah, the black book confirms it. Nothing. This is going to be empty again. As was the bucket. But it was so nicely decorated that it at least forced a smile, therefore defeating it's purpose. It was fake anyway. If you could only see me now. Or a few hours ago. I suppose that would be enough. What doesn't exist would be nice. A nice little treat. Something about a blue castle. Quite nice though. But even that required a bit of time, some getting used to and a little change. Chance would apply there too. I don't know what I'm trying to convince myself of. Whatever happened to distractions? Those were nice, but they aren't doing their job anymore. Today. Today I counted money. And filled out a bunch of paper. Counting is one thing I'm always unsure about. It's ridiculously hard for me to not count something twice to make sure I haven't made a mistake. I'm too precautious. Or maybe it's something more. Scary thought. But I do check to make sure my alarm is set at least 3 times. I should try getting used to only once. But what if something went wrong. There. I worry too much. Too much of everything. But I'm usually fine. It's strange. Little things affect me again. In small doses. Just little upsets. That's it. Why does everyone seem immune to this. My english teachers would hate me. They were always telling me that I used too many "vague pronouns". Oh well. That's how I work. This week was a bit amusing.
1. The boss' face when she came down to see everyone singing happy birthday and seeing cupcakes. Ah, yes. Quite worth the task.
2. The older brother coming home for a visit because he was passing by. Smile worthy indeed.
3. Endless weekend shift wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Service did not wear me down after four full days. But then it gets extended to BB for days and some other thing for 2 more days. Ah... Endless 8 shifts in a row week. Lovely. But then it will be "The Great Camping Trip". It will be nothing less than great. Despite the weather forcast with it's constant "Chance of Showers". I hate them. They're always wrong. I MAY consider removing the hate spell breifly if they would pass on some good weather for a few days starting....Friday the 24th.. and possibly staying until Sunday the 26th. Yes, I would like that very much. Here I go again. Extending #3 on the list. I feel bad for the last one on the list. Because it usually gets burdened with a rant about something that usually has nothing to do with the topic. Hmmm.. yep. I pass this one. Quite well. My room is still white. However, the ceiling is some shade of extremely light beige. Enough to prevent me from going crazy as all my furniture is white. And of course, the blind is as well. Luckily, the floors are saved. I want my room back. I have to walk down 3 stairs to get to most of it. Usually in the dark. Which usually ends up with some sort of clumsy klutzy thing. It just happens naturally with me. Yes, feeling better now. Do I want to know what's going on? Yes. Will I? No. That's the way it will be with this. I do hope that Koper is sighing at my lack of english grammar skills. That would possibly make my night. I'm not sunburnt yet. And hopefully I'll be at service tomorrow. Yep, you heard me right. I actually want to this time. Because it'll go by faster and I won't have to deal with nc*. : )
*Not to be confused with 'nic' Jason. And yes, ic. But I won't subtly underline all ic. Because that would be too many lines. That is all.
until later.
1. The boss' face when she came down to see everyone singing happy birthday and seeing cupcakes. Ah, yes. Quite worth the task.
2. The older brother coming home for a visit because he was passing by. Smile worthy indeed.
3. Endless weekend shift wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Service did not wear me down after four full days. But then it gets extended to BB for days and some other thing for 2 more days. Ah... Endless 8 shifts in a row week. Lovely. But then it will be "The Great Camping Trip". It will be nothing less than great. Despite the weather forcast with it's constant "Chance of Showers". I hate them. They're always wrong. I MAY consider removing the hate spell breifly if they would pass on some good weather for a few days starting....Friday the 24th.. and possibly staying until Sunday the 26th. Yes, I would like that very much. Here I go again. Extending #3 on the list. I feel bad for the last one on the list. Because it usually gets burdened with a rant about something that usually has nothing to do with the topic. Hmmm.. yep. I pass this one. Quite well. My room is still white. However, the ceiling is some shade of extremely light beige. Enough to prevent me from going crazy as all my furniture is white. And of course, the blind is as well. Luckily, the floors are saved. I want my room back. I have to walk down 3 stairs to get to most of it. Usually in the dark. Which usually ends up with some sort of clumsy klutzy thing. It just happens naturally with me. Yes, feeling better now. Do I want to know what's going on? Yes. Will I? No. That's the way it will be with this. I do hope that Koper is sighing at my lack of english grammar skills. That would possibly make my night. I'm not sunburnt yet. And hopefully I'll be at service tomorrow. Yep, you heard me right. I actually want to this time. Because it'll go by faster and I won't have to deal with nc*. : )
*Not to be confused with 'nic' Jason. And yes, ic. But I won't subtly underline all ic. Because that would be too many lines. That is all.
until later.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
outside in between
It's getting harder to differentiate dreams from reality. That can be quite frustrating. It shouldn't be that way though, as they are nowhere near real enough. But somewhere hidden under a picnic table? It all makes sense. Even in dreams the real parts are the ones I want to avoid. Didn't change them. Probably could have. Considering it was a dream. But maybe it's admitting the truth. Strange. Yet I wanted it to be real. Hmm. No more overthinking before sleeping. Should be a rule.
Over the past few months I've noticed that my car seems to attract. Animals. They keep running into my car. : / "Dog Slayer". I don't think it's a coincidence anymore. But I'm getting sick of it. Gah.
1. Deer ran in front of my car. Scowl. But I escaped that one. I probably shouldn't have taken the longer way. Gave me more time to think. And more time to consider turning around. But I didn't.
2. Dog... I hate that story. But it ran into my car. And hit it. Then ran away. I don't know why. But it was able to run. And it also traumatized me. Quite a bit.
3. Then, of course there's the two cats that ran out in front.. then stopped. I don't understand that either. Cats need leashes. I should be banned from the road.
And again, I'm thinking of regrets too often. I guess it wouldn't really matter because it's too late to change anything now. But it's fun to wonder. I suppose it's also quite damaging? When it's a bit too much. Only it's less. Just for fun. Half of the things in my bag are still wet from warped tour. Cell phone cases do not dry. EVER. And to think I thought i was so clever by putting my bag in another bag without considering the possibility that it would just soak everything in the bag. It rained. And didn't stop. And I will miss the matches. Twice was not enough. I'll miss the hidden things. Those were fun. Apparantly, I should get to work... : /. Endless weekend shift begins today.
- until later
Over the past few months I've noticed that my car seems to attract. Animals. They keep running into my car. : / "Dog Slayer". I don't think it's a coincidence anymore. But I'm getting sick of it. Gah.
1. Deer ran in front of my car. Scowl. But I escaped that one. I probably shouldn't have taken the longer way. Gave me more time to think. And more time to consider turning around. But I didn't.
2. Dog... I hate that story. But it ran into my car. And hit it. Then ran away. I don't know why. But it was able to run. And it also traumatized me. Quite a bit.
3. Then, of course there's the two cats that ran out in front.. then stopped. I don't understand that either. Cats need leashes. I should be banned from the road.
And again, I'm thinking of regrets too often. I guess it wouldn't really matter because it's too late to change anything now. But it's fun to wonder. I suppose it's also quite damaging? When it's a bit too much. Only it's less. Just for fun. Half of the things in my bag are still wet from warped tour. Cell phone cases do not dry. EVER. And to think I thought i was so clever by putting my bag in another bag without considering the possibility that it would just soak everything in the bag. It rained. And didn't stop. And I will miss the matches. Twice was not enough. I'll miss the hidden things. Those were fun. Apparantly, I should get to work... : /. Endless weekend shift begins today.
- until later
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Quite amused.
Work mishaps? Mmmm. Some of those have been quite amusing lately. Well... actually one, and the rest pretty much pissed me off to the point that I had to leave the area. Maybe I get mad too easily, but I won't usually let it out. I keep it in. I don't really like to yell at people (with the exception of a certain two guys... when discussing 'Marley and Me'. UGH. well.. that and pretty much any other disagreement we have in a car. Not a good place to have an argument. Not when you're me.)
1. The boss changing all the change around in Alex's cash because he made a mess of service. His face made my day. : )
2. Crazy woman complaining about returns. Within earshot... Ugh.... Or other woman talking about me behind my back without knowing i spoke english. She must have loved it when I mentioned that i did.
3....6 hours. working in the stupid underwear section to make it perfect. 5 minutes later as we were about to admire 'our' work 4 under 12 year olds come running in screaming about how "cute" the "culottes braziliennes" were : /. Of course, they needed to throw them all on the floor, mix up the sizes, take them off the hangers...etc. I had to walk away. I was about to do away with them. All four of them. Liars. They said that they would clean up after themselves. And they had the nerve to greet me with a smile at my cash as i told them the total of 3.38.... UGH. Not worth it. NOT worth it.
I think that just about ends the longest list I've ever done. And the most I've ever mentioned work. And... the most unvague blog ever? I think I hate typos. In professional things, like books or newsletters. The book I was reading ( I won't say which one, because it really, really sucks. ) was FULL of them. I couldn't stand it. So distracting. I believe I must get back to music and sorting through drawers...can't wait
- until later.
1. The boss changing all the change around in Alex's cash because he made a mess of service. His face made my day. : )
2. Crazy woman complaining about returns. Within earshot... Ugh.... Or other woman talking about me behind my back without knowing i spoke english. She must have loved it when I mentioned that i did.
3....6 hours. working in the stupid underwear section to make it perfect. 5 minutes later as we were about to admire 'our' work 4 under 12 year olds come running in screaming about how "cute" the "culottes braziliennes" were : /. Of course, they needed to throw them all on the floor, mix up the sizes, take them off the hangers...etc. I had to walk away. I was about to do away with them. All four of them. Liars. They said that they would clean up after themselves. And they had the nerve to greet me with a smile at my cash as i told them the total of 3.38.... UGH. Not worth it. NOT worth it.
I think that just about ends the longest list I've ever done. And the most I've ever mentioned work. And... the most unvague blog ever? I think I hate typos. In professional things, like books or newsletters. The book I was reading ( I won't say which one, because it really, really sucks. ) was FULL of them. I couldn't stand it. So distracting. I believe I must get back to music and sorting through drawers...can't wait
- until later.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Twice
It was a good attempt at least. One of the best ones this time i must say. I'm not quite sure what happened but I think that distractions may have something to do with it. Just a little. Something strange is going on in this mind of mine. It seems to happen when I can't help it and destroys all other thoughts. Only. It won't go away. Temporarily. But now I can't figure out how to get rid of it. Since it was obviously not properly...disposed of. Scowl. On to Plan B.. Once i figure out exactly what that is. It will be a brilliant plan. That I'm certain of. But. I won't end up thinking of one because that never seems to work. This time, just as with 'Plan A', I will let them form. I'm not helping. I won't influence this anymore than i need to. Which shouldn't be any at all. Because usually when I come up with plans, they end up being ridiculous and impossible. For example, a certain 'bucket'. Failed miserably and I spent the whole time making excuses and exceptions. Plans don't work that way. There can't be any cheating here. I wonder how that will work out this time. And there also can't be any consultations. Because.. it tends to be biased. ALL the time. My own opinion didn't seem to matter with 'Plan A'. Even though my own was quite confusing. I never know what i want, although i often claim that i do. Well now! Now things will change. There will still be the smiles and nods but they don't understand it. Not one bit. Mostly because I leave out everything. Anything and anything that could be more/ too specific. Works better that way. Just enough to explain. A little bit. I'll delay 'B' for a while. Otherwise it would fail no matter what. Wouldn't follow it. Temporary though. I think. Actually... I wish it was. Anyway, enough about that. .It turns out that I'm giving capitals a chance. Don't really like them... but it seems like they needed some attention. I probably won't stick to it, so don't get your hopes up. This definately does not mean that I will be getting rid of my fragmented sentences. They're here to stay. I'm not filtering out thoughts. Well...actually... I am. Cue the vagueness. It had to make an appearance some time or another.
break from capitals.
thoughts?
1. hot chocolate tastes horrible without milk. but there's no more here.
2. it looks like strangers judge too much, but i'm not sure that they do. if only they knew that. maybe it would be easier, with less glares.
3. i check the weather. quite often. but it's been wrong. every time i've checked it with hopes of it being nice out, it's been wrong and turned out somewhat nice. they're allowed to be wrong. and no one seems to mind.
4. am i really supposed to show more emotion to a cashier? i don't think so. maybe later, but i didn't have a reason to. it didn't surprise me as much as was expected.
5. it's more 'this time' now. at least that part of 'Plan A' worked. that's pretty much the only part that did. well.. i can't say that. 47%. i'll stick with that. not bad for a failed plan. the other half (53? ok not quite half) won't be yet. not ready for that. i don't think. i should be. but exceptions and expectations have ruined that. oh well. i shall deal. goodnight.
until later.
break from capitals.
thoughts?
1. hot chocolate tastes horrible without milk. but there's no more here.
2. it looks like strangers judge too much, but i'm not sure that they do. if only they knew that. maybe it would be easier, with less glares.
3. i check the weather. quite often. but it's been wrong. every time i've checked it with hopes of it being nice out, it's been wrong and turned out somewhat nice. they're allowed to be wrong. and no one seems to mind.
4. am i really supposed to show more emotion to a cashier? i don't think so. maybe later, but i didn't have a reason to. it didn't surprise me as much as was expected.
5. it's more 'this time' now. at least that part of 'Plan A' worked. that's pretty much the only part that did. well.. i can't say that. 47%. i'll stick with that. not bad for a failed plan. the other half (53? ok not quite half) won't be yet. not ready for that. i don't think. i should be. but exceptions and expectations have ruined that. oh well. i shall deal. goodnight.
until later.
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