Terrification

Once again, the fears have returned. So much for my new year's resolution to be less afraid of everything, try new things and be less paranoid. Hmmm... Who knows what will happen now. I don't want to be afraid. Not of this. Not of the unknown. I just don't want to picture it. Death. Ughh.... Following me everywhere since childhood. Lovely, lovely. But. Only at night. Which makes complete sense because death only happens at night...riiiight. It's not fair either. I was told that you can get over a fear by facing it. So for my irrational (ridiculous-paranoid-screaming) fear of spiders, I should face it by dealing with them in a calm way and picking one up in my hand... Ummm... I'll pass. So basically, to face my fear of death, I have to experience death? Mmmm I can feel my fear disappearing already. . .

Remembering.

You'll never be far enough away.

Strangers

Welcome. Welcome back distractions. I hardly recognize you. Everything looks new again. Bigger. Brighter. Different. Distant. But this I remember. The emptiness that never found me. The crowded voices. Losing control by the minute. I just want it to stop. Stop reminding me of what I didn't do. Of what chances I've lost. I don't want to go back. It can't be the same. It's not too late. One voice can change. Change everything. It just has to be mine this time.

Wednesday.

I can't. One move was already enough. Removing layers of comfort. It was enough. Erasing years. Years of sinking. Drowning. Just a little. But now. Now I can't. Can't escape your gaze. Your questions. Insisting. Persisting. You won't find my answers. Or me. No. No falling back. No ups and downs. No turning back. I'm convinced. It was enough.