Missing: Blue

I scowl less often. But I make twice as many faces. It's more fun. I'm still paranoid. Even more than before.. I think. I'm still afraid of connections. Making connections. Trusting people. That's a hard one. I still wonder what would have happened if you went another way. Would you be happy? Are you still as carefree, caring and innocent as you once were? I guess I'll never know. That ended quickly. And another. I wish that you would have made a little effort. Just enough to show that you cared. So it wouldn't tear us apart even more. But you're not the same anymore. You don't care about the same things. Or people for that matter. But I hope that you're happy being used. I refuse to participate in that act. And. Thanks for the smiles. The connection you didn't have to make. The memories that you created. For putting up with us. And. I miss the nothings. The nothing traditions. It didn't matter that my mind wandered at times. I miss the parking lot. In the cold. I feel disconnected. I feel 0.3333. You're the last one. Really. The one with the links. The smiles and arguments. But I quit traditions. And. Thanks for making fun of me. Breaking the ice. That helped. Yet there's still one attached regret. I guess I'll never know now. You're too far away. And. I hope you're okay. And not lonely. I'm just glad you made it. Despite what it created for us. No. It was never the same. But. It's all worth it just seeing you there. Even if you can't see me. And. Thanks for being innocent. Innocent and little. I hope that you stay that way. Just for a little while longer. Keep your smiles and hugs. I'll remember you that way. And. Acceptance. Not like the first. Enough for a change. A needed change. And finally. For going back. For staying. For not caring what passing people would think. For just knowing. Everything. Thank you.

This time, I can only hope for nothing.

absent

Do you remember lying? Alone in your own world. Everything made more sense. As quiet as it was. Underneath the noise. It's not always like that. Not when you're around.

I like little escapes. More quiet bubbles than you can imagine. Little tiny ones. Most of the time. I wish I could show you. Just let you in. But I'm hidden from view. And you're far too loud. For now I'll stay hidden. Just behind your sounds. For now you won't find me. It's safer that way.

You've already ruined it.

Rectangular

I'll admit. I'm distracted by shadows. Shadows and voices. They have a way of stealing my attention and holding it captive until I find out who they belong to. But that ruins it. I don't think that I want to know. I like the mystery. The secret twists amidst the blue. Restricted vision is a must. Only it's destroyed when walking away. : /

School is somewhat stressing me out. But I really. really. like it. I just don't like it's invasion of my free time. That will take some getting used to. I won't be visiting this place as often. My mind is trying to be structured again. Scowl.

until later..

1/4

I was expecting it. Dreading it, yet counting down the hours. It was one of 'those' times. The ones that could possibly destroy. Everything's in tact. What happened to falling apart? Or falling back. Back to that. To second and beige. No, I don't want to go back.

Ci No Tb

Finally.

Swing.

What's the point in pretending when we both know that it's not going to last? It's the same routine repeated on a daily basis. I shouldn't be getting used to this. I shouldn't be able to predict this. Your actions. The ridiculous dialogue that no one pays attention to. I won't remember this. The details. Maybe a few, but it will get repetitive and we'll both be fed up. No sign of it though. Smiles all over. It will be over soon. But don't worry. Tomorrow won't be any different.