here's my attempt at huge news. four wins! in 4451 games.. but it's my way, and i like my way better because it feels more challenging. and i kindof like challenges. this "game winning" deserves a blog. i suppose..





not that much on the mind ce soir. but...
1. jason.... asks too many questions.. too too many. too many details. and now he hates me. HATES ME. hmmm.
2. i havent decided how to make 'what's wrong' into a giant vague mess, so i'll leave it at that.
3. i made cupcakes. with the brother. they were quite good.

i hate being paranoid. i don't know what good it's ever done to me. i must have been born with it- yet when i was little, i wasn't that afraid. i was fine with playing manhunt at sandbanks and then all of a sudden i was worried about scary night things and night people. : / . when did this happen. now i'm all kinds of paranoid. i think certain things must have affected me too much. it's not just night things. i'm paranoid that they will all turn out like this. probably not. but i'll keep thinking it and it will stop me from anything and everything. i hate being paranoid.

until later.

i'm not sure what to think of this. this sudden strangeness. it seems that it keeps repeating itself in some sick little pattern. ugh. how many times how many ways. i'm really not sure anymore. but at least i'm sure of one thing. and that's what was missing before. uncertainty. so count me out.

i had weird. realistic dreams again. involving everyone. well. mostly everyone at some hotel or three storied place. it had bc people too which i wasnt expecting, since i knew it was a dream. and drinking and beads.. and a fence. but not the one i climbed. the wooden kind.

anyway... words i overuse.. a lot...
1. strange
2. creep(y)
3. seems like there's only two. that i can think of.

i finally realized that my sim isnt as twisted as i thought. he kept sleeping with his sister until i realized that he couldnt actually get to his own bed. now i feel guilty. so i made him a bigger, nicer room.

i miss the parks that were made of wood. these plastic ones aren't as fun. they're all purple and blue and have some kind of dinosaur theme. the wooden ones with tire swings and slides with no top were the best. tire swings are more fun than any of the plastic ones. splinters are better than getting burns from hot plastic. and they've also replaced the sand with "pebbles". ugh! really.. falling headfirst from about 10 feet up onto rocks isn't really pleasant. but maybe sand would have done more damage. because it doesn't move.. i have no idea. the wooden ones weren't that high anyway so it wouldnt have mattered. okay.. end park rant.

until later

"salmon pizza"

hello i'm... strange, a klutz, quiet, awkward, shy, scowly, confusing, vague and mostly cruel. apparantly according to my sim version of me that clem made, i'm "good". cause i won't do illegal things :C.

today has made me realize that people should only tan in the safety of their backyards. there should be no exceptions for the sake of my own eyes. gah. still can't erase that image.

eventually. it will happen eventually. i don't really like that word because it seems so far away. breakfast seems far away. but not this morning. everything makes more sense when you have nothing to confuse you. one at a time actually does work...surprisingly. when they're not all fighting to be heard.

things seem more important when they are written on coloured paper. though i don't usually read the whole way either. yesterday was proof that i don't follow directions... since i didn't even read them. but of course the last step on the list told me that. scowl.

anyway. all this to say that this summer's going quite unexpectedly well despite my week in the box at service. i lost count anyway. its 5 right now but not accurate. but ... maybe . because i cheated.

until later

i think i'll call this my first attempt at non vagueness.

i miss bc. it was a year ago and i still miss it. just an escape and it was exactly what i needed at the time. i want to go back, but for different reasons. no need for an escape now.

i can't take another service shift : /. really. it'll be 5 in a row tomorrow and i miss zone. i suppose it's because i like the control that i get from that. and there's so much less control in a box at the front of the store. oh well. i suppose i should just DEAL WITH IT until everyone is back from vacations.

well, i suppose it's time for the traditional list.
1. sundays are my favorite. still.
2. i like this song. merci clem. addictive.
3. i think i just might own too many purple things... it's a possibility.
4. i was told that i was smiling today. by a stranger.
5. crushed pineapples. that is all.

i received a box in the mail today. i really like opening letters. more than i like reading them. i think i'd be happy with a bunch of empty sealed envelopes. this would be why i got a letter opener for christmas one year. anyway.. back to the box. it was a retirement savings plan thing. i don't know what made them think that i would like to retire anytime soon.. especially since i haven't even started the career that i want yet... weird. i quite enjoyed opening the box though and wondering what it could possibly be. : ) but then it was ruined. oh well.

.....................................

until later.

umm

no. not anymore. real stars don't have strings. neither did. what just happened. empty. why does the empty feeling come back every time. and yet there's still more. this shouldn't happen. well. shouldn't anymore. fifteen now. it makes more sense. but. is it too much. i think it could work. but the secrets. the secret will still be there. right there and never answered. that wouldn't make sense. and if it was it wouldn't be truth anyway. i suppose that that should be dealt with. mostly is. mostly. there were more secrets here too. worse? i'm not so sure. but lies and secrets? seems a bit on purpose.

1. hot chocolate seems to be keeping me up.
2. bicycle. ice cream. slice. gah.
3. even though #2 seems closer than it really is. forget about #2. just forget about it.
4. i should probably make more sense, but that's not likely to happen any time soon. sorry.

hmmmm. that just about clears up everything. well. not everything. everything i can make vague and unrecognizable enough. deal with it.

until later.

well.. i am officially graduated. doesn't feel any different though. still the same and too far after school ended. but it was fun. really ridiculously long speeches though. better speeches than at weddings. but no further comment on that.

1. the sun and i don't get along too too well. it's official.
2. i cheated. a little. but it wasn't part of my deal so should it really count as cheating? well, i suspected this so i suppose that it shouldn't count. just not so soon.
3. strangers assume too many things.
4. shuffle mode makes me think too much, i'm not quite sure how random it is.

three times doesn't always work. but i'm convinced it should. which isn't always a good thing. some things just shouldn't be done or attempted a third time. ever.

until later.

eighteen. it will be slow, but maybe this time it will work and finally change things. maybe a little change is needed. not fixed, because that won't happen anytime soon, but temporary. temporary doesn't seem right. but for the moment it will have to do. two.

i'm not sure what to think about tuesday. it's almost tuesday, but it's still a little strange. i like to think that i like risks, but most of them are quite terrifying. i guess that's what makes them worthwhile. the difference they make.

sometimes, random thoughts cross my mind, but i don't think that they're that random if they keep coming up. though, lately there's been a few new ones. not quite new, but renewed.

1. stop. i don't like secrets because of that.
2. my sims are too ambitious, it's unrealistic.
3. i saw too much blue today, no more colour order.
4. dance recital went well. though, now i miss it. just it.
5. i try again too many times. but eventually, i'll get it. years later.
6. not a good idea. for everything.
7. isktai.

i think that summer has finally decided to show up, which is nice, for people who like being in direct contact with the sun : / . Anyway, i shall see about those risks. or lack of.

until later.

Ossapnatm

wednesday makes me think of self. wednesday again. always. but i like wednesdays. it's not the easiest to spell and people don't like when i spell it as whenisday. it's more fun that way.

it still hasn't sunk in that summer is here/ on it's way / never going to happen : /. but i guess when it comes, there will be no more hot chocolates. i miss those. maybe new traditions will come with summer, but that might mean change. i'm getting used to the idea of change. putting it in action... that on the other hand might take some time. maybe my mind is a couple of minutes behind my actions. because i seem to always think of what i wanted to say or do a few minutes after. of course, by then it's usually too late. at least i've got less regrets now. because i'm less afraid of what will happen. a little. but less. i suppose it's better than being afraid of what won't happen.

anyway.. i hate this question. but on this rare occasion.. what's on my mind.
1. half wishing i didn't take extra shifts because the creepy guy might come back.
2. i should be asleep.
3. i don't think i'll be getting pit tickets tomorrow : / sad thought. really sad thought.
4. gah.
5. my sim is still sleeping. and he really needs to stop doing everything "to the extreme". it's bothering me.

not so scary after all.

until later.